my father and i
many people could tell intimate stories about their fathers, how their fathers are like, what they liked to do, things they like to eat but i am not one of those people. never been.
a few months ago, my dad told me that he would often get very bored at the hospital. i thought about getting him an ipod but i got stuck at song selection. all the memories of the fondest memories i have of him happened before i turned 7.
he passed away on the morning of 10th of march. in a way for many months now, i have been bracing for it but when it finally happened, i felt really sad.
two months ago when i was at my godson’s birthday party. i sat next to a man who told me that his children weren’t speaking to him anymore. i told him. don’t give up, keep trying. they will come to their senses.
i said to him – during my adolescent years, i hated my father a lot. i didn’t speak to him for years.
he said me,” what changed?”.
” it was the realization that being my father does not make him immune to making mistakes and it is unfortunate that when we grow older, we make more mistakes that often involved other people and they are usually people we love”.
“for whatever it may be, i have already forgiven him and wished that we hadn’t wasted so much time”.
i wished my father had known me as a friend and not his daughter because i think he would have been proud of my decision of always trying to be good and to do good no matter the situation. i wished he knew how much i try to be fair and to use my good judgement when facing many ordeals throughout my life.
i am starting to miss him.. somehow. strange isn’t it. i thought i stopped knowing how to miss him because he was never around. in fact, when i think about all the major milestones throughout my life, he missed it all. my wedding, my graduation. everything but i miss him in a strange way.
i delivered his eulogy at the funeral.
i promised him that i will take care of everyone – my brothers, my half brothers, my mum and my step mum.
i didn’t see any of his mistakes as mistakes because now that i am an adult i know that life often throw us situations that do not allow us to be the best of ourselves. we are all victims of circumstances.
i know that towards the end, he had wanted to make it up to us. he had wanted to find a way to say sorry. i hope he at is at peace now because i could never find it in my heart to hate him.