a few days ago, i received a message from my brother informing me that my dad had a mild stroke. don’t worry he is fine. after i received the call, i sat down and because at that time i didn’t know how severe the stroke – my mind was all over the place.
i must admit that my relationship with my dad is nothing of substance i could gloat about.
it is very hard to love my father. my father has this megalomaniac personality that when he was young, he wanted everything. i think until now he still does.
i don’t know at what point in life, i have given up trying to get him involved in my life. here is the oddest thing that i didn’t understand. he rang my youngest brother and asked him to take him to the hospital. i don’t understand why my half brother didn’t do it when he lives with them.
there are so many questions in my head – i don’t know how to answer them.
at the end of his life, who truly loves him?
could i have done more?
i truly think that i think he doesn’t love himself as well. for years he has high blood pressure, he still smokes, he still doesn’t exercise he still eats really bad food.
in his most quiet moments, if he were to tell a version of his life story – when he has no one to lie to, no one judge him. what would be his most honest version of his life story?
if one day, at the hour of my death what would be mine?